There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
