He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
