I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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