you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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