rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
