You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
