Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
