peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
