Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
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So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
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I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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