I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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