Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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