apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
