I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
