I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
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