it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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