I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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