if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
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Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
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Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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