9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
