you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
