when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
