Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
my shit smells like andre
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
