i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
When are your genitals available?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
