I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
