Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
