btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
