Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
