i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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