Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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