He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
