Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize