i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
