well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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