So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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