I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
