doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
