I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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