You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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