What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
