I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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