Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
