All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
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