She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
