If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
