wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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