she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
