well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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