is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
this hospital has no fireball
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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