woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
