i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
