Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
is that a dick in a sweater?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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