connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
