She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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