im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
