The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
