She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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