16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
