I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
