He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
