i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
