I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
