and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
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Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
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You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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