Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
