im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
