There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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