im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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