According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize