That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
