the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You made out with two different species that night
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
