So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
