You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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