If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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