well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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