alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
