I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
